there once was a time...

...that i believed i was EXTRAORDINARY.  i was a mother of 5 children, homeschooling, preparing most of our meals from scratch, involved in numerous extracurricular activities, and preparing our family for baby #6.  i wore this EXTRAORDINARY life like a beauty queen's sash.  all of my accomplishments were written across that sash for everyone to read.  my heart was prideful.  my life might not have reflected that pride like the Tower of Babel builders but my heart screamed it to the Lord.

Babe #6

september 1st, 2009 my heart-sized Tower of Babel fell.  confusion set in as my 6th precious child came into this world with extreme colic.  not one of my 5 previous children had an issue with colic, we had difficult moments those first couple of weeks and then everything adjusted itself out.  i felt like a new mom all over again.  things that once made sense and had worked in the past, no longer applied to this situation.  all my SUPER ability as a mom came to a screeching halt.  my sash was removed torn off  for lack of ability and no longer being able to conform to the standards one must to wear such a sash.

the doctors told us it would last around 4 months.  OK, i thought, i can handle 4 months.  well, those 4 months were multiplied by 3.  my sleep - sleep what is sleep.  my mind - do i even have one?  my ability - what's a diaper?  where do I put it?

i found myself having out of body experiences all the time.  some WOMAN was using my mouth to talk scream and i did not recognize her.  i literally felt like i was watching this WOMAN ruin my family.  this WOMAN was harsh, she was easily angered, OH!, did she keep records of wrongs, and she was overwhelmed all the time.

finally, one beautiful spring afternoon, i caved.  i lay in my bed crying to GOD MOST HIGH.  i could not go on like this.  i was not a robot.  i was not going to scream one more time.  i cried out to HIM, "I NEED YOU!  HELP ME!  I CAN NOT DO THIS!  I WAS NOT MADE TO BEAR ALL OF THIS ALONE!  YOU TAKE CONTROL!"  and just as those last words fell from my tongue, a gentle breeze moved it's way through my bedroom window and enveloped me.  HE met me, HE comforted me, HE accepted me just as I was - my tattered rags and all.   this once proud beauty queen had turned into a ragged, threadbare mother of 6.

HE took that ragged, threadbare mother and gave her a new heart.  He ever so gently reminded her of where her mother's heart came from; His potter's hand.

Oh the joy of knowing Him.  If you find yourself in a difficult time - cry out to Jesus.  He will meet you and offer deliverance.  He did for me.